For most of my life, there have been people telling me I am too loud. I talk too loudly. I laugh too loudly. I take up WAY too much space. I am embarrassing to be around. Kathy, shhh! Mahm, STOP! You need to tone it down. You are just too loud.

I get it. I am loud. I really am. I can be quieter, and if I try really hard, I can be really quiet. But that is not my nature. Being born into a family as large as ours, you were loud. That’s the nature of the beast, as they say.

I have worked hard to tone down where it needs to be toned down. One of my goals for my internship was to not be so loud. It was a struggle and I think I am better, but I still have moments where I just become Me all over!

There are times where we can’t be ourselves, or at least not 100% ourselves. Workplaces, restaurants, libraries, and places where others might not have signed up for our volume. That is absolutely where I work to tone things down.

And then there are moments where I get to be myself. Shopping, laughing with friends, telling a story, you get what I mean? Those moments are mine. And I will be loud. I will not edit myself. And if that is a problem, then I need to point out… that is your problem. I am not embarrassed in those moments. I am actually expressing my joy.

I share this whole thing to say this…

I love who I have become. I am filled with flaws but I am still me. If you don’t like being around me, you have my permission to go. This is me. And I am exhausted by the feeling that I have to tone myself down.

OH, and today is 91 days sober, guys. 13 weeks. In case you are wondering, my goals for sobriety is to build a healthier relationship with alcohol. I turn 50 on September 26 of this year. I will drink on that day, to celebrate. But until then, I will stay sober. It is my choice and I feel really good about it.

–Kathy