I don’t normally have any issue falling asleep at night. As a matter of fact, I’m the one who usually lasts only a few minutes before I am snoring away! But tonight, I cannot sleep.

There are some things on my mind, although mostly they are good things. Maybe if I run through them all, I will free up my brain so sleep can win out!

First, my dear college student August…. what is on my mind? Well, I got to talk to them on the phone tonight and it was great! They talked and talked and I mostly listened. It is amazing how comforting the sound of that kids voice is to me… probably because I can hear how good college is for them in it. We laughed a lot and Louisa came home in the middle of the call, so she got to join in the chatter and fun. Good stuff.

There are some things that August is dealing with that are not for me to share, but those things are a little on my mind. Just know that I try so hard as a mom to do the right thing, and even by doing that, I can’t protect my kid from pain. Struggle is a part of life and it leads us all to better places, but as a mom it sucks to watch.

Next… Mia! That girl, wow. She is just my sunshine. I called her tonight before I called August and she was just joyful. She told me about Jack (the cat) sitting in her lap and then went on to talk about Louisa and how she was able to help August surprise her with take out for dinner. (God, I have great kids!) I could hear the smile in her voice when she told me! Mia assured me that she and Jack were fine, the puppies were fine, and that she would see me when I got home from class. Seriously love that girl.

Ah, my dear baby Louisa. She, too, has some stuff going on in her life. I also am not at liberty to share about it here, but it was hard to hear about her struggles too. Why do high school girls have to be so mean? Why must there be drama? Why can’t it be like in kindergarten where everyone is friends and we just take turns sharing the shovel in the sandbox? UGH. Yeah, she is weighing on my heart. It does not help that she has not felt well, physically. So I guess I am doubly worried about her. But she is such a strong and fierce kid, I guess I need to just let her do her and watch as she blazes her own path.

I would love to say that I have no worries about my Mikey. He and I are great, but his eating habits, well… yeah. Let’s just say that almost dying last year taught him nothing. Right, Mikey? So I am definitely worried about him. I want him around a long time. Unfortunately, it’s not up to me. *sigh*

I am not at all stressed about school (yet!). So far, it is my refuge and my place of joy. I love talking about ideas and therapy and strategies and reflections. I love hearing all the stories of the people in my classes. I want to learn more and more about them and their journeys. I am excited to work with them through this crazy process called Grad School. It really does make me kind of giddy just being on campus. (Should I feel guilty about that??? lol)

So, having eliminated the obvious, I guess that leaves the last big piece of my life… my job. I am struggling. So, I can’t say much since I would like to keep my job. I happen to really like it. I am just trying to manage my own reaction to some situations that are arising. As a wise friend counseled me earlier, I cannot change anyone. I can only change how I react to them. So that is what I am working on. I want to be as positive and productive as possible. (That has such a Mary Poppins sound to it! Ha!) So that is where my efforts will need to be directed here on out. If you are the praying type, prayers for my own efforts in this would be appreciated.

Before I go, I’d just like to share a quick picture. Please note that the ‘company’ I have is currently NOT fighting any sleeping issues. Oh, and please note my awesome pj pants that Karen made me last Christmas. Yes, I wear Christmas pj pants in September. I wear them year round, actually. Cause they’re comfy. And awesome. And we gots to find the joy, people!!!!  (the little gingerbread men on the fabric are holding up balls that say JOY of course)!!!

Sweet dreams, dear friends.