I am struggling. I really am.

I want to see the joy in everything. I want to remember the dance. I want to be positive and uplifting.

Right now, I am almost constantly irritated. I am resentful and angry. I have all these horrible things I want to say to my teenager, and I don’t. I know they are neither helpful nor kind. I know they are the teenager inside of me screaming at the teenager in front of me, not the rational adult who calmly speaks to people.

I have been trying really hard to re-connect. I have tried to be patient and understanding. I am failing at it, but I am still trying. I am falling so short from where I know I should be, but I am grasping at those moments that I can almost reach.

When your own teen makes you insane, how to do you react? Do you say what you think when you think it or do you hold back, remembering how it felt to be yelled at as a teen?

I know that my daughter is going through awful hormonal changes. I know she is faced with pressure and drama at school unlike anything I experienced 30 years ago. I know she means well.

She, too, is trying. She, too, is falling short.

I am overwhelmed with feelings of love for her, and yet I am also struggling with my feelings of frustration.

This parenting thing has always been hard, but parenting teens? Yeah… it is a whole different animal.

I am reminded that I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. He sees us all as struggling teenagers. He sees us all with love and compassion and a desire for only our best. I want to see my child as Christ sees her. Just as I am, she is broken and struggling.  When I remember that, the other stuff fades away.

I would love to say that my heart is now at peace and I am no longer frustrated, but that is not the case. I will continue to struggle…probably for as long as I draw breath. But at least I’m trying, right?

Thank you, Jesus, for accepting me as I am. I seek to be like you with those in my life. Amen.