It has become obvious in my house that my teenagers would prefer I step back and give them room. I know this is inevitable. It is normal and good. I need to trust that they are doing the right things, and that they will come to me when they need help.

With some recent stresses, I have gotten the message from one of them that goes something like this… “Mom, this is not about you! Why do you care???”

Here is what has been bouncing around in my brain. Please be patient as I try to put these feelings into actual words and sentences.

No, your life is not about me. I am fully aware that you are your own person. You have choices and decisions and journeys ahead of you that do not get my vote. I don’t even get to pick what name you use any more. My job is pretty much done.

However, (and this is a big however), you were an actual part of me for almost a year. I spent hours and hours focused on if I could feel you right at that moment. Wondering what you looked like and dreaming of what you would be someday. I controlled every bite of food and every drop of drink in order to protect you as you grew inside of me. I talked to you, felt you push from inside me and giggled along as you made it through bouts of hiccups.

It is not about me, but you used to be part of me. Do you understand that? We were physically one. We shared the same blood and food and oxygen. And that time together created a bond within me that cannot be broken.

That time together means that when you hurt, I hurt.  When you ache, I ache. When you laugh, I am overjoyed. When you succeed, I can’t help but burst!

When you are fearful, I tremble. My dear child, it’s not about me. But it is. It’s about the part of me that still remembers that time together, living as one being. That part of me never changes. You may be a teenager now, but that part of me will always be your mom. That part will always want to hug you and make the bad stuff go away.

Child of mine, you are almost grown. I am amazed every moment of every day that you are becoming something completely separate of me and yet, still very much my own.  I know you don’t want to still need me. That’s okay. I don’t want to still need my mom, either. But I do.

So dear sweet children of mine, please know that while it is not about me, I will always be here, as your mom. And I will always feel with you, laugh with you and cry with you. I don’t dare say how much I want to snuggle with you like we used to. But I want to. Because you are now and always will be my baby.

I love you,

Mom