I want to share a story with you. It’s about my sister, Jennifer. God did not give me her as a sister. He gave me five other ones, but Jennifer became my sister when my brother got the brilliant idea to marry her.

After college, my brother, Jim, and his then-girlfriend, Jennifer, ended up moving to Belgium. I don’t know all the details, but it had to do with her dad being Assistant Ambassador there. So they both moved and ended up getting married there. Not many of us were able to go to the wedding. I met Jennifer when they later visited the states, but I did not get to know her until their son, William, was born.

They were still in Belgium. William was born in March of 1987. I was a junior in high school.  That summer, I traveled to spend time with my sister, Colleen, and her family. I remember the phone ringing and my mom calling me. Jim had called to see if I would fly over to Belgium. They needed someone to watch William until he could start with child care in the fall.

Me??? ME??!!! Fly to a foreign country, by myself? I couldn’t believe my mom was even willing to ask! I already had a passport because we (my parents, sister and I) had visited Jim and Jen over Christmas in 1985. Before I knew it, plans were made and I was off!

At that point, I had taken 4 years of high school French. Unfortunately, Jim and Jen lived in the half of Belgium where Flemish was spoken, NOT French. I managed, though, because so many people spoke English.  I did not venture out very much any way, with my nephew being so little. He and I spent the days inside.

William was a really good baby who slept all day. Jen thought I might like something to do to help pass the time, so she took me to a little yarn store. Because I didn’t know better, I decided my first project should be something easy, like a mohair sweater with complicated color changes (that should be read with lots of sarcasm!).

Yes, this is where you learn that Jennifer is the one who taught me to knit!

So armed with huge bags of yarn, needles and a pattern book (written in French, btw), I spent the rest of the summer creating my very first knitted project. I also got to know Jennifer. We discovered very early on that she and I got along great.  By then, Jim and Jen had already started plans to moving back to the states, so I was able to answer her questions about Oakmont.

That winter (my senior year in high school), they moved across the ocean and into the house with my parents and I. I loved having so much time with my nephew and with Jennifer.

Initially, Jim and Jen worked for my dad’s business. I left for college and William became too mobile to go to work with Jen. So she enrolled him at Bright and Early Day Care. When I was preparing for my first January break, Jen informed me that the day care was going to be hiring and she had already told the director about me.  I was actually hired, sight  unseen, thanks to her.

Not only does Jen get credit for my knitting, but also for my many, many, many years at Bright and Early! I continued to work there every summer and break as well as a year after college. Their family continued to grow with Caitlin born in 1989 and Ranie in 1990. I really got to know those three kiddos well. I also learned a lot about how to be a great parent by watching Jim and Jen!

When I would see Will, Cait and Ranie, I would be greeted with lots of hugs and giggles. I loved how they pronounced my name with their sweet little voices: “Tat-0-ween.” Jen and I continued to be close. I tried hard to be available to watch the kids when she needed a break. She always listened when I needed an ear. As much as they struggled, I saw what a truly loving family looked like in Jim, Jen and their kids. I was blessed.

As much as I loved being with them at the day care, it was time to find an actual teaching job. I ended up moving East. I spent a year in Virginia as a nanny. I was able to spend every weekend with my boyfriend (and eventual husband, Lawrence). I came home for a weekend at Christmas that year, armed with books for the kids. It was a brief visit, as everyone seemed to have a cold in one form or another.

I returned to my nanny job and spending weekends in Maryland with Lawrence. On the morning of January 9, the house phone rang. It was my sister, Colleen. She was calling with  devastating news. Ranie, who was only 3 1/2, had been rushed to Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh and had died. It was meningitis.  I remember falling down and crying.

Lawrence and I returned home. Everyone was in a fog of sorts. There was a sadness about my family I had never before seen. I made my way through the week including the funeral. Even the Funeral Director cried. My Grandma Zeiger (my mom’s mom) came in for the funeral. She, too, was devastated. We had lost our Ranie Day.

After that week, I returned to Virginia. Nothing made sense and I struggled for a long time.  I have no idea how Jim and Jen made it through those initial months, weeks and then years. I do know that Jen has told a story that showed me one little clue.

Apparently after the funeral, Jen, her  mom and my mom were sitting in the living room of their house. Everyone was just worn out. No one was talking and the air was heavy with grief. From the upstairs bathroom, Caitlin called out, “I need someone to wipe my bum!” It was at that moment that Jen realized one very important detail: life goes on.

While we were in Maryland, Lawrence and I got married. We eventually decided to move to Pittsburgh because the cost of living was so much cheaper. He got a job and we moved in with my parents. (yeah, my parents housed many of their children over the years) Again, I returned to working at the day care. Lawrence and I had decided to start a family. At the same time, Jim and Jen had decided to have one more child.

Jennifer had TJ (Thomas James) in November of 1997. At the time, William was 10 and Caitlin was 8.  By the following January, I discovered I was pregnant! Jen and I bonded big time over babies!!! Sophia was born on August 21, 1998. The first visitors to our hospital room were Jim, Jen, Will, Cait and TJ. At 9 months old, TJ was already the size of a toddler. And yet, on her very first day in this world, Sophia showed us all who would rule their relationship. Soph let out a tiny little newborn cry that sent poor TJ into panic mode. He sobbed! (we all laughed!)

I quickly popped out two more baby girls. It was only with lots of love and support from Jennifer that I maintained my sanity. She was my biggest adviser and friend. When I needed to quit working at the day care, Jen brought TJ to my house for me to watch. Will and Cait walked to my house after school each day. I remember that time so fondly.

As you can imagine, having three babies in less than 36 months had it challenges. Add to that a child who would eventually be diagnosed autistic, a husband who was suffering greatly with depression and mental illness, as well as my own depression, and you can guess that I was a bit of a mess. Jennifer got me through it all. I could call her in tears and blabber away about any thing and every thing. She never judged and always supported.

When the moment came and I had to leave a marriage that had become caustic, Jen was there by my side. She, and our whole family, got me through. Whether it was a much-needed gallon of milk that Jim would grab for us on the way home from work or the reprieve I would get when Will would watch the girls, they saved my life.

And as I began to heal and get stronger, and my daughters became young ladies, Jen was there to celebrate with us. She saw the struggles and truly appreciated the joys. When I fell in love for the last time, Jen was my maid of honor. She hosted our reception at her home and made the whole thing effortless.

I have grown up since first meeting my sister, Jennifer, in 1984. My life has taken more twists and turns than I ever imagined would be possible. Like I said earlier, God did not bless me with her as a sister at birth. But He certainly knew what he was doing when He put her in my life.

I am writing about Jennifer because today is a very difficult day for me. Today, Jim and Jennifer are moving away. They have a whole new adventure awaiting them in St. Louis. William is now living in New York with is wife,  Catie. They are awaiting the birth of their first child… a baby girl due in August. Caitlin also lives in New York. TJ will start school this fall as a sophomore in high school. He and my girls are more like siblings than cousins.

I will never be able to thank Jennifer enough for all she has done for me over the past 29 years. I hold on to all the memories… some of the best and worst times of my life. I cannot imagine my life without Jennifer just a few minutes away, and yet that is my new reality.

Today, I am thanking God for her. I am praying that their travels and move are easy. I am praying that their life becomes even more blessed than ever. And I am praying that I will somehow maneuver life without her as my biggest supporter.