I hope you don’t mind, but I am taking a little break from my weight loss posts to share some thoughts. I can’t promise this will make sense, but it will help me a lot to write it all out.

I have been thinking a lot lately about some people in my life. If you know me, you know I have a lot of people in my life (I can’t help it! I come from a big family and I tend to hold on to friends forever!). And as I have said here before, I love every single one of them. I mean that. It is the way God created me. Even those people whom I really don’t like, or have hurt me terribly… I still love them. I am blessed with a fairly solid ability to forgive quickly, so that helps!

But, I have been thinking about a few people in my life who have caused me struggles. I find myself getting tense and angry when they are around. These people are very self-centered. No matter what the topic of conversation is, they manage to turn it around to be about themselves. I don’t suppose you know anyone like that? You know what I mean… whatever you want to share, they have already done it bigger, faster, stronger or better. If you start talking about your child, they interrupt to tell you about their child. Feeling sick? Oh, don’t worry, because these people already know that what you are going through is not bad, because they have been through it and you will never know what real suffering is. (get the idea???)

I have been struggling, because I am finding myself losing my joy when these people are around. And I’m not cool with that. I don’t think anyone should be able to steal my joy! I try really hard to be myself and stay positive, but I end up feeling resentful and down because they have, again, influenced my mood.

So why do they affect me so? Well, this is what has been on my mind. Why does it matter what someone else talks about or does? Why do I care? I have prayed about it, and I have talked it through with a dear friend. I think, after some additional thinking this morning, I might have figured it out.

As a mom, I have always had three very specific goals for my girls:

1. To be kind
2. To be helpful to others
3. To find joy in every day

My daughters know that I don’t care if they are #1 or #99 in their class. I don’t care if they hold office in the clubs they join. Honor roll is fantastic, but I won’t love them less if they don’t make it.

I suppose it is not the norm to feel this way, but who ever said I was normal?!?!? And I have a child (Sophia) who is fiercely competitive. She wants to be first in her class. She wants to be on high honor roll every time. She wants straight A’s. I am proud when she does these things, but they don’t define my love for her. I am not a competitive person, myself. I can play a game and have a blast even if I come in last place. (I actually get quite uncomfortable when I win, because I don’t want anyone else to feel bad!)

So, back to those people who are stressing me out……

I think I have figured out what these people all have in common… they don’t love themselves for who they are.  And very likely, no one has loved them for who they are. This makes me sad!

They love themselves based on what they do and/or what their kids/spouse do(es). To them, it is all about being visible in what they do, and in getting attention. It is about elevating themselves by comparing and putting others down. It is about convincing others they are worthy and lovable (because they likely don’t feel very worthy or lovable themselves).

Not once do these individuals recognize that a person is valued for anything besides titles, trophys, grades or position. Where is kindness? Where is valuing a good heart? What if your child doesn’t want to be the source of your value, but rather their own? Why does it always have to be a competition?

In order to love them and keep them in my life, I need to pray for them~that they will learn to love themselves for who they are, not what they do. I will pray for them continuously when I find myself getting stressed out. And I will remember my own rules and to focus first on being kind.

I hope that this helps me to accept those difficult people a bit more. I hope that I can be a positive influence on them, and help them to love themselves. And I hope that my children will always know that I love them, no matter what others may define as ‘success.’

Have a lovely day, everyone.