i laid in bed for about 20 mintues, with my brain going 100 mph. i finally gave up and came back downstairs to try and purge my brain of all the thoughts, in hopes that i will be able to sleep.

tonight i decided that i have had enough. i have let the school lead the way for mia since september, and she now hates school. despises it, actually. loathes it. she fantasizes about blowing the school building up. is this normal? i don’t think so. i think this is a HUGE red flag. this is a red flag the size of the empire state building and it is flashing blindingly bright red lights at me.

i emailed the teacher in charge of mia. she is the special education teacher for 5th and 6th grade. she is outstanding, in  my book. however, i just can’t let her ideas lead the way for mia any more. they have been the guiding force since last year. even then i felt things could have gone much better.

here is the email:

B***,

Yesterday when you called about Mia’s refusal to do the answers to the questions for the pssa practice, I wanted to say a few things but didn’t. You kept saying that you knew Mia could do the work, because she had done it before. I understand that. But what I don’t think you considered is that Mia is at a breaking point. She is so stressed about school 100% of the time, that her ‘can do it’ is gone. Then add on top of that the fact that she spent the morning at Children’s Hospital being lectured about her diet and having blood drawn. I think most days anymore, but yesterday especially, her ‘can do it’ was completely gone.

I have tried all year to explain that while she is very smart, her capacity to handle the work load is that of a 5 year old. The teachers keep pushing her, saying ‘but we know she CAN do it.’  I really don’t think that last year’s report has been considered. She CAN’T.

B***, you have worked really hard this year to help Mia keep up. The time you devote to her in the morning is very appreciated. I don’t think she could ever have gotten everything done without that time. But my plea, all along, has been that she should not be expected to do as much as she is expected to do. Every time I tried to address that with the teachers, I was told, “but everyone else has to do it.” What is the point of an IEP?

Yes, Mia is smart. When it comes to math and computations, she really is a genius. But when it comes to handling things… workload, being yelled at/embarrassed by teachers, handling the social situations of middle school… she is a pre-schooler. The teachers this year have kept her at the same level as everyone else, in spite of last year’s report. In spite of my pleas. In spite of her IEP.

It boils down to her complete and total hatred of school now. She despises it. She comes home and talks about wanting to blow up the building or getting so sick that she never has to go back. Is that what I want to hear from my child? Does that make me want to send her back every day? NO!

I really don’t think that my pleas, or her needs, have been taken seriously. I would rather see her do no homework and get straight C’s than to continue at the stress level where she is, currently.

Please, I would like to re-visit her IEP. I would like the counselor to be present. I would like the principal to be present. I hope to have a case manager with me. I want the focus to be on Mia’s emotional state as it is now… which is completely and totally fried. There is no way she is going to be able to function at the jr/sr high when she is this stressed out by school.

I think we need to look at long-term goals for Mia. Somehow it seems that 10th Street’s goal for her is to be an academic… a vet…. something that will require her to continue in her schooling for a long time. I am not going to continue to hold her hand for the next 15 years when that is not what she wants. Mia’s dream is to work at the Doggy Day Care in Verona. She wants to spend her days playing with dogs. Why am I allowing her to be so stressed out when her wants are so simple?

It is crucial that we do something now to improve her view of school, or I am going to end up with her in my GED classroom. That is not acceptable.

Please let me know when an IEP meeting can be held. I will make myself available. Please know that I really appreciate all that you have done to keep Mia on track. I just don’t think her true abilities, based on her emotional state, are being considered.

Thank you,

Kathy

as soon as i hit ‘send’ my stomach dropped. it’s not that i care about what the teachers think so much as i worry they will take their irritation out on mia.

they don’t get it. she can’t handle it. i have tried to believe they had her best interests at heart. but i can’t sit by and watch my daughter spiral farther and farther into misery any more.  hating school, as much as she does and at such a young age, cannot be normal. it can’t be acceptable. there must be something that can be done.

am i wrong???